In the nearly 50 years that SUNY psychology professor Arthur Aron studied love, he became well-known in academic circles for his research on intimacy in personal relationships as well as his model of motivation in close relationships.
The exciting part of Aron’s story is this: in popular culture he is best known for his 1997 list of 36 Questions to Fall in Love in a lab setting. The professor claimed his process of making two people fall in love with each other in under an hour was guaranteed. Under lab conditions, his subjects did fall in love more than once, and one of the sessions resulted in “an official marriage.”
In this post, I am going to attempt to answer the first 24 questions (I consider the last 12 too intimate for public consumption) to see if I can make you fall in love with me 🙂
A: It would need to be someone with ideas that sparked my imagination; more than that, I would want them to really have the power to move me. My first instict is to think about all the ridiculously smart people there have ever been: Einstein — but he was said to be very mean, or Kennedy– but he was too big of a flirt probably. But [and I know I can’t start a sentence with but, but I’m just thinking on the page here :)] when I really think it over, I would most like to sit down to dinner with a forebearer or ancestor– someone who I think of as representing a version of me, in another life, another time.
A: Actually, I don’t think I would at all! I grew up in L.A. surrounded by those ideas, and as a little kid I dreamed of being in the spotlight, sure. I think somehow being so innundated with that life and having it seem somewhat ‘normal’ to me and the people around me makes it just a bit less exciting, and you consider more of the negatives.
A: Absolutely! a) If I am calling my boyfriend– or before, a guy, what you say feels so important [you kick yourself for what you end up saying anyway, though :)]
b) When I have a job interview, the initial meeting tends to be by phone. In that case I defnitely rehearse my speech!
A: Waking up early, a nice big latte, doing some early morning writing/editing, playing with my dog, visiting an art exhibit or theatre performance I have being dying to see and then having a romantic dinner with my boyfriend.
A: I am always listening to music when I am driving. I sing to myself when a very nostalgic song comes on. Other than that, I sing little bits of songs to people in a hushed way to remind them of old songs.
A: THE BODY.
j/k!!! Anyone who knows me knows I have a hard time worrying over my body. I consider plastic surgery just ridiculous, and the most I can usually muster is to straighten my hair and put on some foundation before an event. Having the mind of a 30-year-old at 90 would truly be a gift.
A: What a horrible question! I will defer to the classic 1997 film Titanic:
“You are going to die an old woman, warm in her bed.”
A: “Appear to” or really do? Hmm…
1) We are both the oldest sibling
2) We are both teachers in one way or another
3) We both hate apple juice
A: The people. (Easy one.)
A: I would listen to my mom when she told me I was only allowed to watch one hour of TV a day.
CENSORED FOR PRIVACY!!
A: There are two choices: infinite empathy or infinite wisdom.
A: What is the one most important thing I do mot know I should be doing differently.
A: Lots of things, and everything happens in it’s own time. 🙂
A: Being a good to the people I love.
A: An open heart, someone who looks you straight in the eye, and someone who brings their own wisdom to the table.
A: That’s for me to know and the internet to (never) find out! 😉
A: The 1993 Northridge earthquake in L.A. was pretty scary. The whole earth was off it’s rocker!!
A: I would stop trying to make money and live out all my dreams every day.
A: I think friendship CANNOT be described by this annoying children’s song I learned in grade school, It went something like:
Say say oh playmate
Come out and play with me
And meet my dollies three
Climb up my apple tree
Climb up my rainbow
Into my cellar door
And we’ll be jolly friends
Forever more… 1, 2,, 3, 4!
Definitely not that.
A: They are everything, and they play many roles. It’s not just my boyfriend — it’s my family, my dog, and the weather. I love writing and I love my students. I try to love my whole life, even it’s not perfect, it can feel perfect if I love it.
A: To my readers:
- You are smart
- You are beautiful
- You are free to be yourself
- You can love who you want
- You are not afraid
A: This is quite a bragadocious question, Yes, I come from a close and warm family. I don’t wish to compare it to other people’s. Every family has it’s own strengths and weaknesses, just as every familiy goes through it’s own highs and lows. Your friends may seem to have it better than you now, but you’re wasting your energy being jealous of them, because eventually you will be stronger than they are, or vice-versa. The point is, be kind to one another.
A: WOW! Big question! My mother is impressive; shocking; amazing; gorgeous; stop-you-in-your-tracks honest; and forever young,. We are very different people, yet our hearts are the same. We are two different species of flower that grew from the same root,.